Yesterday the Prime Minister of the not quite United Kingdom announced to the Conservative Boris Johnson fan club that he was abolishing Human Rights.
“The British don’t need human rights! I look out of my gold tinted limo windows every morning and all I see are sub human zombies wandering around and squat, pale, things blinking in the sunlight as they emerge from tube stations. These ‘people’ don’t need human rights!”
“This is the country which wrote Magna Carta! The fact that esteemed British Lawyer, Judge and Conservative MP David Maxwell-Fyfe, 1st Earl of Kilmuir basically wrote the European Convention on Human Rights is undermined by the fact he loved the French.”
“Winston Churchill spent more time bombing Europeans than giving them rights”
William Hague, a bluff lager drinking Yorkshireman with a 35 year sufferance of Stockholm Syndrome chipped in “who needs the right to free speech or thought? I’ve not had that since my first conference speech as a wee lad, and what good is the right to a family life? It only ends in tears on Corrie and Eastenders”
Theresa May, In a brief break from snooping on everyones emails said. “the right to free religion is only ever used by Muslim terrorists and Irish Catholics. You’re not in the IRA are you?”
A British Bill of rights, abolishing hated rights such as right to life, fair trial, liberty, privacy, marriage and freedom from slavery & discrimination, is rumoured to contain the right to Chips and Gravy, the right to be offensive toward people with funny accents, the right to make jokes about the Welsh and the right for the English to invade Scotland every 15 years to keep them in line.
A protest was put down outside the Conference by policemen with truncheon-sabre swords after the right to free association and assembly was scrapped. 72 non humans were pronounced terminated.
Before being slapped into silence by his landowner a random bedraggled serf said. “Tory welfare policy is already in breach of my human right not to be tortured so they might as well stop pretending”